On grief and holidays...

I’m so thankful that we have such a great support system around us, checking in regularly to see how we are doing and loving on us in any way they can. One question I’ve been asked a lot lately is, “How are you doing with the holiday season here?” It’s made me really reflect and ask myself, “How AM I doing?”

You see, there’s this constant clash within me of grief and joy. Of course, I am sad. Of course, I miss my best friend and love of my life so much, especially when there are holiday events and festive activities to look forward to. It’s pretty lonely to go to a party by myself when all my friends have their husbands along, and it stinks to be excluded from Christmas themed “date night” invitations. This time of year, B used to call me “Captain Christmas,” and L started being known recently by his daddy as “Captain Junior Christmas,” because of our love for decorating and seasonal festive activities. All of those are much harder this year without the person who made them much more fun with his big sense of humor and tremendous love for his family. However, there is a new level of beauty and depth this year in the reason I celebrate holidays.

Over Thanksgiving week, I had so much more to be thankful for because I’ve seen Jesus carry us through dark days and constantly bring enough light to our journey that we are able to keep pressing forward. I’ve realized that life is a gift, and not one day should be taken for granted, because you just never know what’s coming.  I've seen the body of Christ in action, and it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  And now that the Christmas season is upon us, I can’t help but rejoice even more because of the true reason we celebrate. It’s not about gifts or decorations, or even all those fun Christmas parties I'm missing out on this year. It’s about a Heavenly King that was willing to leave His throne and belittle Himself by coming into our world as a helpless baby, just so He could grow up and fulfill His redemptive plan through His painful death on the cross.

And, you know, I feel like this is the only time of year when much of the world focuses on and celebrates that truth with me. Sure, they may not know the extent of the amazing Story, and they need to. But every time Silent Night or Away in a Manger is played, and every time a cause for giving to others is announced, He shines brighter. His plan as the Savior of the World is more clearly announced through this mess we live in. So how can I not celebrate? How can my heart, which will always miss B, not still have reason to rejoice? This baby… this Savior… He is my only hope for living in this fallen world. It is His gift, His humility, His love and His sacrifice, that assures me that better things are ahead.

Yea, you can keep your “Blue Christmas” and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” songs to yourself this year. I don’t need to hear them. And right now they just depress me. But I’m choosing to sing loudly to “Joy to the World,” because I know for sure that it’s true.

The Lord has come… and He has come for me and for you.