My word for 2014.

Every year, I pick a theme word for the year that helps me focus. Forget all the New Year's resolutions, because I can't keep up with them all. Instead, a theme word envelopes it all, and this little blog, written mostly for myself so that I can remember my documented thoughts and moments, serves as a reminder of the word.

Last year, it was embrace. When I prayed over it all at the start of 2013, it was mostly about the wait we were going to have for awhile with adoption. I was aching for our little girl to come home soon, and the wait times for Ethiopia kept getting longer. So it was about embracing the here and now, documenting the ordinary everyday blessings, and being content in the here and now without always wishing for more. Little did I know how much our lives would change just eight short weeks later. Embrace became my act of sacrifice to Jesus, embracing a season I didn't want to be in and all of the grieving, tears, and pain that went along with it.

That season's not over, but the year is. Whew.  I've half jokingly said to a few friends that 2013 was all about B, and 2014 was needing to be the year of me. That could sound so egocentric and selfish, but they are close friends that know me well and know exactly what I've meant. There have been so many things to take care of as a result of B's passing, and those things have left me needing to stretch myself more than I ever thought I could. They've left me feeling haggard, lonely, and most days completely and utterly worn out. And, a little lost in the busyness.  So now, I'm needing to rediscover myself again. I'm needing to grow myself spiritually, emotionally, physically, and pretty much every other "ly" word so that I can move forward. I've had to step into new roles I don't even know how to fill, and rediscover myself. My skills, my interests, my weaknesses and strengths, and who I am in the sight of my Father, who sees me as precious in His sight.

And so, the word for this year is grow. I'm choosing to use this stretching season to do just that - stretch and grow and become all God wants me to be in this season so that I'm a better person for another season still to come. To not care as much about everyone else's opinion of me and focus instead on what my Savior wants from me. To not be so consumed with everything that keeps me so overwhelmed and busy, that I still have time to pay attention to my own needs and purpose.

I'm so thankful that His grace enables growth, and as we grow in Him, it affects every other area in our lives. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the gift of growth. I want to see You show up in great ways in 2014!