A birthday letter to my son...

Dear Eldest Son,

This week, we celebrated another birthday of yours. Why does it seem like they already keep coming faster? I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. They had set me up for an induction a week before my due date, because your older sister had come fast, and they didn’t have enough time to get all the medicine in me to fight the group B strep I carried that could harm her. So in order to not face the same experience again, the induction was set up for Monday morning, the day after Easter. But of course, like everyone warned me would happen, I started realizing on Saturday afternoon that it was time, and we headed for the hospital. Sure enough, around 8:30 on a beautiful sunny Easter Sunday morning, you arrived.

I have loved all along that those details are a part of your story, because it was able to encourage so many people afterward. You see, a year before to the exact day, I had miscarried a little baby that I had only carried inside of me for six weeks. I remember being in our church’s Easter service, clinging to the hope of the Resurrection with a struggling heart that was grieving the loss of a child and wondering if we would ever be able to have any more children. But I believe God is the Great Author of some of the best stories, and it was no coincidence that you were born a year later, on that very date, and on Easter Sunday – the day of all days for celebrating. Any time I had the opportunity to share that story with anyone who was grieving a miscarriage, I would, praying that it would give them a glimmer of hope that He is still writing their stories and they haven’t been forgotten.

Now, seven years later, we are in a place I would have never ever wished for you and wish with all my heart that I could have protected you from. Yet, God is still writing your story, and I am believing once again, that it’s going to be a good one. You continue to miss your amazing father, but don’t choose to dwell in the grief. Instead, you choose to live life to the fullest, laughing through the present and always dreaming and sharing your desires for our family’s future. Your little heart full of hope inspires me to keep hoping too. Your willingness to forgive when people hurt you or don’t follow through on their plans, keeps my heart challenged to forgive too. And your love for others and desire to show Jesus to them keeps me looking out for ways I can serve and love too.

Never lose that, sweet boy. This world is an ugly one, full of hurt and pain, and constantly threatening to sink you in its overwhelming burdens and trials. I wish so badly that I could protect you from any further hurt, but I know it’s a part of living in this fallen place. Still, when you continue to keep your focus on His Kingdom and pursue it with all your heart, the Lord has the incomprehensible ability to fill you with His joy and peace that transcends all else. His love for you is greater than you can ever fathom, and He desires to lavish it on you for all the days of your life as His eternal child – His heir.

I am only one person, one parent – and even though I wish I could fill some of the holes that now exist in your life, I won’t ever be able to. But He is a Father to the Fatherless, the Master hole filler. I promise to do the very best job I can to parent and love you, but when I mess up, as I will – keep turning to Him. He will always be more than enough. And His big Resurrection story – this eternal victory through the Cross that we celebrate particularly on Easter Sunday – and that has been personally woven into your smaller story from the day of your birth celebration, will always always hold true… no matter what life brings.

Happy birthday, L!  I love you more than words could say.