Yes in my mess.

Saying “yes” may just make life downright messy. 

I’ve been reading an advance copy of Kristen Welch’s new book coming out, Rhinestone Jesus, and it’s been making me contemplate a lot. In particular, it’s been making me think about all the times I’ve made the choice to say “yes.”

Yes, to begin studying to be a teacher.

Yes, to further that study by going away from home and leaving what was familiar.

Yes, to student teach in yet another unknown area, living with strangers.

Yes, to come back home to accept a teaching job when I wanted to stay. 

Yes, to accept a marriage proposal from my high school crush.

Yes, to stop teaching in the classroom and begin on a long crazy journey called motherhood.

Yes, to promise to support my husband in every way as we walked the unexpected road of cancer.

Yes, to answer the call to adoption.

Yes, to commit to trusting God’s plan while I journey through a world now filled with loss.

None of my yeses have been big ones, especially compared to Kristen’s big choice to open a maternity home in Kenya.   They really are quite insignificant.  Some were exhilarating and some were downright painful.  I’m sure you could say the same about your own.  I’d love for my story to include my saying “yes” to something much bigger and have an exciting "big" story to share.  But He’s called me to a lot of little yeses, and I honestly believe that all of those little “yes” answers still add up to something bigger beyond them.  It’s the ability to trust God more completely as the choice to say "yes" makes life a little messier.  It’s the continual stretching of the soul that in turn makes me braver because it becomes a choice I just have to keep making even when I'm weak and scared, because I know without a doubt that there just isn’t a better alternative. 

Shortly after B passed, I remember my daughter asking me if I would have married him if I would have known I would lose him 9 years later.  Though I answered her with a "yes" at the time, I really reflected on that for awhile afterward.  At times, I absolutely hate the season we've been in.  But at the same time, what would have happened if I would have said “no”?  I would have missed out on an amazing marriage and three precious children who bless me every day with their sweetness.   I would have missed seeing my Savior’s love for me in huge ways through His body’s coming together and lavishing love on us.  I would have stayed planted in my own little safe world, afraid to take risks because I’m not sure of the outcome.  And what fun is that, especially when as hard as we may try to control life, there are always things beyond our control anyway? 

So, I believe that our “yes” answers make us braver.  When we say “yes” a few times, we are able to keep saying it.  We are able to see that God is bigger than the mess, and He sees way beyond it to something stunningly beautiful in His big picture story. 

Saying “yes” might be the scariest thing ever.   

But – it might be the best thing we ever choose to do.