I am not enough.

I am sure you’ve heard the saying that “it takes a village.” I’d be the first one to raise my hand in agreement. But I’d also be quick to go a step further and assure you that it also takes an Almighty God directing that village. At least that is how it’s looked pretty clearly in my life lately. And I don’t know if I could function a full day without that truth.

I am not enough. You need to know that about me, because you’d find it out soon enough anyway. I am seriously not enough in my own strength, no matter how hard I try. There are three kids living in my home, and only one mom. And now, there is only one parent doing what God designed to be a two person job. I can do the very best job I possibly can do, and I will still pretty much always mess up something. Last week I did a pretty good job getting everyone where they needed to be, but made a pretty big mistake in my job that could have had some pretty bad results. (Thankfully, it didn’t!) Another week, I’ve had everything done that I needed to for work, but really messed up when it came to really being there for my kids, not listening to what was on their hearts. And then there are those times when our own bodies and souls are getting so little attention because we are so busy taking care of everyone else, that we end up sick. Yes, you guessed it - that’s me this week.

But the way I see it, the sooner we come to the realization that we will mess up, the better off we are. It means that we can more honest with ourselves and more real with others, and I for one, crave that in a friendship. I heard Pastor Matt Chandler say recently that “there is no freedom in a lack of honesty”, and it’s so true. So I guess, if nothing else, I have honesty to offer you. :) I am not enough on my own. I cannot do it all. I will try to juggle as many plates as I’ve been given to juggle, but I can assure you that I will probably drop one regularly.

And that’s where the village comes in. This beautifully orchestrated body that Christ has ordained to help meet each other’s needs and carry each other’s burdens. And I know that it ultimately comes from Him, because most of the time the help received begins with a “God put this on my heart” type statement. It’s using their own talents and giftedness, in a beautiful and unselfish way.

(last day of 3rd grade)

(last day of 1st grade)

(last day of preK)

Last week, my kids finished school. It was the first complete school year we went through without B, and it wasn’t easy. Yet, they finished strong with honors, and with character award choices from their teachers that made me cry and would make their Daddy so proud. So, besides thanking God, I need to say a huge ‘thank you” shout to my village. To those who help with rides to and from places, and childcare when I need to be somewhere with one and the others need to be watched. To those who continue to provide us with meals and gift cards when we have busy nights trying to squeeze in a meal before a sports practice. To those who have helped with the funds needed for the kids to participating in activities they are eager to try. To those who encourage both me and the kids when things get hard, and remind us that Christ loves us dearly. To those who regularly pray for us and encourage us by letting us know that they do. To those who understand that grief is a lifelong journey, not a sprint, and who accept me as I am in that moment without trying to change me. To those who give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it, and a night out to laugh and be free from life’s burdens for awhile when I need that too.

You are all beautiful members of the body of Christ, and your role, whatever it is, is far from insignificant. It is blessing our family, and it is helping us move forward successfully knowing that we can do all things -even the hard ones - through Him who gives us strength. Thank you, to each and every one of you.

Our family loves and thanks the Lord for you!


"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy." -Philippians 1:3-4

Lessons from creation

Sometimes, the answers we need may just be found by stepping outside our front doors. 

Now, I’ve been a church going girl from the time I was on the cradle roll.  I love to spend a quiet hour at a Christian bookstore, scoping out the latest resources available.  My own bookshelves are filled with great solid books that can help point a person to Christ and His Word, based on whatever situation they are in.  And I'm thankful for the freedom, education, and comfort found there. 

But sometimes I forget to go right to the source.  To this amazing Creator who sovereignly ordains all that comes about in this vast universe, and still cares and provides for me personally.   I wouldn’t get to know a friend all that well just by talking to her friends, or reading journal entries those women wrote about my new friend.  I would want to spend time with her personally.

And just like that, God calls me back not only to His Word, but to His creation.  Because in His creation, is portrayed His story.  His beauty.  His majesty.  His sovereign control.  His care.  His love. 

I’ve recently become a huge Ken Gire fan, first by reading his incredible book titled The North Face of God, where he relates the difficult times we face in life with the incredible dangers of the north face of a huge mountain.  (Read it!  You will be so glad you did.) This led me to other books by him, and so far, they are all amazing.  My favorite part about his writing is that he takes his illustrations from nature, and through this, I’ve been developing new eyes to see them again too…

The choice to believe that the sun is still there even when it’s not shining.

The beautiful calm that comes right after a powerful storm.

The strength of an oak tree shown by the depth of its roots.

The way a mama bird cares for its young. 

The worthwhile, never wasted time it takes for a seed to grow.

The realization that the caterpillar's loneliest days are right before it’s transformed into a beautiful butterfly.

All these, and more, have been reminders to me lately to not get so busy, that I don’t have the time to be outside.  Because I think there may be more lessons out there for me to learn from than my little bookworm self might ever realize.  And not only can I learn from them, but I’ve got little people I'm parenting who are naturally in awe of the wonders found in creation, if they are only given the time to see them.

Summer is coming.  I can almost count the days on one hand.  We are so very ready.  Normal activities we do during the school year are ending, and you’d better believe you will soon find us outside more often.  At a park, at a beach, taking walks... whatever we can, whenever we can.  

Because there’s a world out there that tells of His glory, and I for one, don’t want to miss it by staying stuck inside four walls.  

Happy Mother's Day...

My kids are my heroes. Yes, you read that right. This year, while the world is busy celebrating Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate Kids’ Day. Sure, part of that is probably because I have no one quite old enough to organize a breakfast in bed or the ability to take the day off to relax as my form of celebration. :)  But it’s much more because I am honestly just that proud of them. They inspire me to be a better mother, and a better woman, because of how they choose to live life, and force me to be braver just to keep up with their bravery.

We are coming to the end of another school year, and the first full one they’ve had to face without their dad, who was always so involved in their activities. And yes, it hurts them to see all their friends’ dads there when theirs can’t be, but it has never stopped them. They deal with their grief in that moment, and then choose to live. Like, really truly fully live… from the time they wake up in the morning -usually before it’s even light out - until the time they go to bed with all of their animals plopped on top of them. I have to slow them down and make them choose activities because they want to do them all. To be on the go, go, go... all day, every day.

So of course, that’s where I have to be a bit of a voice of reason for them. But at the same time, I love how they have chosen not to make their circumstances a crutch to hinder them from trying new things or not excel at what they have set out to do. I’m amazed as I reflect on all of the new things they’ve tried this year, and the ways they’ve grown. I'm so proud of them and pray they can continue to live that way as they grow and face other hard things. They take God at His Word, and choose to live expectant lives that long for Heaven, but spend today living and singing and laughing. And that’s where I’m the one who can learn from them.

We may look different now than a “normal” family, and we always will. We are far from perfect, and we will never will be this side of Heaven. We’ve got plenty of messes and spills and unkind words and just plain old rough days. We carry scars with us, and I know we’ll face plenty more hard days ahead. But we’ve also seen beauty. We’ve seen the brevity of life firsthand and the importance of making every day count. We celebrate each other’s successes, cry with each other in moments of sadness or disappointment, and laugh as often as we can. We even are known to stop and break out in some kind of crazy dance from time to time.

So yea, today’s post is basically a brag on my kids, because I believe they are pretty much amazing and I am one blessed woman to be given the gift from my Father of being their mom. There’s a lot I don’t understand about God’s ways or why He allows what He does, but I am convinced of His love for me every day through my children.

Happy Mother’s Day out there to all the moms who may read this. May we never forget, no matter how hard life gets or how trying our kids can be, that we are truly the blessed ones.