Starting tomorrow... and you don't want to miss it!

I'm so excited that October starts tomorrow, and with it... (drum roll)... 

two exciting challenges that I'm blessed to be a part of!  

First up... 

Even if you are a mom of girls, you will love this group of posts from guest bloggers, verses and prayers, that will be appearing throughout the month of October, over at The Mob Society.  Be sure to sign up to receive them in your inbox every day!  And be sure to head over there today, because I am guest posting today on a little of my journey. Here's a little snippet:

Alone.  Just the sound of the word stirs up emotion. If you are in this place now, either spiritually or physically as a parent, you probably never intended for life to be this way.  I know I didn’t. My husband and I eagerly welcomed all three of our children into the world as huge blessings from God, but I knew how proud he especially was to have two sons.  Sons…to carry on his family name, to coach in sports, camp out with, and to train to be mighty warriors for Jesus.

Then, life happened… and it was full of grief and pain. The Lord took my husband home to be with him in February of 2013.  And I was left staring at these little boys with big brown eyes and sweet, but energetic spirits, wondering the same thing I did when they were handed to me after they were born.  How am I going to raise boys?  

The rest of this post is found here.  

And then there's this, starting tomorrow too! 

I will be sharing 31 Days of Hope from the Psalms, as described in this post from last week. So be sure to subscribe here as well, so you can receive those by email too.  I'm praying they will be a source of encouragement to many!  

Here's to an exciting October, filled with encouragement and a reminder of God's amazing love for us!  

And so it begins...

It's been a good summer... but a long one. I love my littles dearly, but summer now means I have to be intentional about having adult conversations. I think the combination of the heat, the length, and just a lot of overall hard going on all around us - well, it's had me quiet and a bit discouraged.  This world can do that, I've learned, and I think that's ok.  Those hardships help us to focus on what truly matters and live each day with eternity in mind, knowing this is not our home.

But today begins a new chapter for our family.  All three of my precious kiddos are at the same hybrid school this year for the first time.  All three have amazing teachers who I already love and know are "God picked" for them this year.

What's hybrid, you ask?  It means that during the school year, I have 2 1/2 weekdays each week to focus on myself, God's plan for me, and have the time to make connections with other adults that He has put in my life. All while my children are being loved on and taught by some wonderful teachers.  And the other 2 1/2 days?  Well, I get to be involved in my kids' education, homeschooling and being there for both the struggles and joys found in learning and life itself.  What a blessing.  

I'm excited about what the Lord has for my kiddos to learn this year, but I'm also excited about what He wants me to learn too.  I've had a couple new opportunities already pop up that I'm thrilled about, and my arms and heart are wide open to what else He may open up for me.   I want to be writing regularly on this blog, and have two new kinds of posts I want to make regulars, because they are things I'm frequently asked about. :) 

Soon you will be seeing this:

(I'm always asked what books we are currently reading... so this is an easy way to regularly answer...)

and this...

(how I make things work for us, try to juggle all the hats I've been given to wear... easy meals, organization, cleaning, etc!)

So be sure to come back regularly for a visit, and introduce yourself if you haven't already! :) 

Here's to a great school year for all of us mamas out there too!  

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

On Father's Day...

Last week, I found myself sick and waiting for a half hour to see the PA at the CVS clinic near me… and this is what I had to look at.  It was hard.  Really hard.  I felt as bad emotionally after that as I felt physically, and maybe even worse.   It’s that time of the year that we used to love that we now dread… Father’s Day is nearing. 

We used to love Father’s Day.  It used to be a time when we gathered pictures, I created scrapbooks, and the kids made up tickets for back rubs and hugs that we couldn’t wait to shower on B on that special Sunday.   Some of the best pictures I have of him and the kids are in those scrapbooks that we will always keep and cherish. 

But now… I repeatedly find myself cringing as it approaches.  Every commercial or store sign that flaunts the commercialism of this holiday that now painfully and constantly reminds us of our loss.  I enter Mama Bear protective mode as I analyze how my kids will handle all the reminders that circle around them.   I look for ways to try to have a little family fun to just try to survive the day.  And I most of all pray earnestly for their little hearts, that their Heavenly Father will continue to fill the void their earthly father's death left in their lives. 

And, of course, that’s the “churchy” answer to this whole thing.  That pat spiritual answer that is supposed to make those without a father feel better.  And down deep, I do believe it.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father is all powerful and full of love for His children, and cares deeply about those growing up without a father.  His love can fill that void. 

But how does He usually show His love?  Through others.  Through those who have experienced His love and want to pass it on.  Through those who are burdened to care for those who may not be experiencing the life they dreamed of living.   Through those whose own difficult stories have changed their outlooks on life, choosing to live their days with purpose and impact on those with whom they come into contact. 

So this Father’s Day weekend, that’s my request.  Not just for my own fatherless children, but for the thousands of children in this country alone who are growing up without the blessing of a father.  Be that blessing.  Don’t just tell them of their Heavenly Father, but show them.   You can give a family a gift card to go have some fun together – or better yet, you can take out some kids you know, who need a positive and loving male role model in their lives, for some fun they won’t soon forget.    Show them that they are loved, they are special, and they are not forgotten.  Perhaps, when those children see that love demonstrated in a physical and tangible way, they will see a beautiful portrayal of their Heavenly Father’s love in a better way than they ever will without your presence in their lives.  

Just because you took a little time to truly care.  

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!   -Matthew 7:11

So they'll always know...

One thing that has helped me tremendously in my grief over losing B, is all of the cards and letters he has written me throughout the years.  This man was a writer through and through, and from the time we first started dating, he charmed me pretty quickly with his way with words.  Compliments, encouragement, love letters... he wrote them all.   

Of course now, all of those written words are even more treasured.  They remind me how blessed I am to have been loved so well by such a great man, comfort me in my tears, and give me courage to keep going.  To keep believing my Heavenly Father's plan when I don't understand it.  Those words B said and wrote will always speak to me, even almost prophetically at times.  I've always desired to write things down for my kids to always keep, but now that desire is stronger than ever.  So here are some things I've committed to so my kiddos hopefully always know how loved they are, long after I'm gone.  I hope this list inspires others to make the written word a priority as well. 

1.  Those three little words - Just say "I love you" regularly.  And write it down too.  B and I never ended a phone conversation or left the house without saying this to each other.  Now, I make this of utmost importance in my conversations with my kids.  Time is too precious to forget to say it.  But time also moves quickly and keeps us busy.  So if I only have time to leave a little post it somewhere with those words on there for them to find hidden somewhere, I do it.  I love how they are starting to do the same for me now too! :) 

2.  Time - The "to do" lists will never ever end.  I have to know when to stop looking at them and give my kids some attention.  This is really hard for me sometimes.  I'm a worker.  But again, I've seen how quickly life can change, and I always want my kids to know that they are my priority.  I love Project Life and how I can keep track of all our photos so easily.  Just add the picture, journal a little, and you're done.  It helps us cherish those memories.  

3.  Yearly journals - I keep a journal for each of my kids that I write in on each birthday.  I've skipped a few, but overall, it will be something consistent that they have for when they become an adult.  Maybe even to give them on their graduation or their wedding day. 

4.  "Mama & Me" journals - this idea is from Pinterest, of course.  My older two have one of these now, and N will start his soon.  It's a way for them to express their feelings and ask questions that they may not feel comfortable or find the words to say.  It's private too. They love this.  

5.  Lunch notes - I get consistent with these for awhile and then get forgetful.  But I try. :)  They sit in a drawer full of stationary, near where I make lunches, so I can better remember. 

6.  Love frames - I've been wanting to make these for awhile, ever since I saw them on Becky Higgins' blog.  

I finally got them up in the kids' bathroom, thanks to this printable and some help hanging them.  Not a great picture, but you get the idea of how fun these are.

If you have any other ideas, I'd LOVE for you to leave a comment and share them with me.  The more ways, the better!  The point is that I believe our words will outlive us, and I always want my kids to know with my written words, as well as my spoken ones, how much I love them and thank God for them.   They are such a blessing, and I pray they will know that in their hearts forever.

I am not enough.

I am sure you’ve heard the saying that “it takes a village.” I’d be the first one to raise my hand in agreement. But I’d also be quick to go a step further and assure you that it also takes an Almighty God directing that village. At least that is how it’s looked pretty clearly in my life lately. And I don’t know if I could function a full day without that truth.

I am not enough. You need to know that about me, because you’d find it out soon enough anyway. I am seriously not enough in my own strength, no matter how hard I try. There are three kids living in my home, and only one mom. And now, there is only one parent doing what God designed to be a two person job. I can do the very best job I possibly can do, and I will still pretty much always mess up something. Last week I did a pretty good job getting everyone where they needed to be, but made a pretty big mistake in my job that could have had some pretty bad results. (Thankfully, it didn’t!) Another week, I’ve had everything done that I needed to for work, but really messed up when it came to really being there for my kids, not listening to what was on their hearts. And then there are those times when our own bodies and souls are getting so little attention because we are so busy taking care of everyone else, that we end up sick. Yes, you guessed it - that’s me this week.

But the way I see it, the sooner we come to the realization that we will mess up, the better off we are. It means that we can more honest with ourselves and more real with others, and I for one, crave that in a friendship. I heard Pastor Matt Chandler say recently that “there is no freedom in a lack of honesty”, and it’s so true. So I guess, if nothing else, I have honesty to offer you. :) I am not enough on my own. I cannot do it all. I will try to juggle as many plates as I’ve been given to juggle, but I can assure you that I will probably drop one regularly.

And that’s where the village comes in. This beautifully orchestrated body that Christ has ordained to help meet each other’s needs and carry each other’s burdens. And I know that it ultimately comes from Him, because most of the time the help received begins with a “God put this on my heart” type statement. It’s using their own talents and giftedness, in a beautiful and unselfish way.

(last day of 3rd grade)

(last day of 1st grade)

(last day of preK)

Last week, my kids finished school. It was the first complete school year we went through without B, and it wasn’t easy. Yet, they finished strong with honors, and with character award choices from their teachers that made me cry and would make their Daddy so proud. So, besides thanking God, I need to say a huge ‘thank you” shout to my village. To those who help with rides to and from places, and childcare when I need to be somewhere with one and the others need to be watched. To those who continue to provide us with meals and gift cards when we have busy nights trying to squeeze in a meal before a sports practice. To those who have helped with the funds needed for the kids to participating in activities they are eager to try. To those who encourage both me and the kids when things get hard, and remind us that Christ loves us dearly. To those who regularly pray for us and encourage us by letting us know that they do. To those who understand that grief is a lifelong journey, not a sprint, and who accept me as I am in that moment without trying to change me. To those who give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it, and a night out to laugh and be free from life’s burdens for awhile when I need that too.

You are all beautiful members of the body of Christ, and your role, whatever it is, is far from insignificant. It is blessing our family, and it is helping us move forward successfully knowing that we can do all things -even the hard ones - through Him who gives us strength. Thank you, to each and every one of you.

Our family loves and thanks the Lord for you!


"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy." -Philippians 1:3-4

Happy Mother's Day...

My kids are my heroes. Yes, you read that right. This year, while the world is busy celebrating Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate Kids’ Day. Sure, part of that is probably because I have no one quite old enough to organize a breakfast in bed or the ability to take the day off to relax as my form of celebration. :)  But it’s much more because I am honestly just that proud of them. They inspire me to be a better mother, and a better woman, because of how they choose to live life, and force me to be braver just to keep up with their bravery.

We are coming to the end of another school year, and the first full one they’ve had to face without their dad, who was always so involved in their activities. And yes, it hurts them to see all their friends’ dads there when theirs can’t be, but it has never stopped them. They deal with their grief in that moment, and then choose to live. Like, really truly fully live… from the time they wake up in the morning -usually before it’s even light out - until the time they go to bed with all of their animals plopped on top of them. I have to slow them down and make them choose activities because they want to do them all. To be on the go, go, go... all day, every day.

So of course, that’s where I have to be a bit of a voice of reason for them. But at the same time, I love how they have chosen not to make their circumstances a crutch to hinder them from trying new things or not excel at what they have set out to do. I’m amazed as I reflect on all of the new things they’ve tried this year, and the ways they’ve grown. I'm so proud of them and pray they can continue to live that way as they grow and face other hard things. They take God at His Word, and choose to live expectant lives that long for Heaven, but spend today living and singing and laughing. And that’s where I’m the one who can learn from them.

We may look different now than a “normal” family, and we always will. We are far from perfect, and we will never will be this side of Heaven. We’ve got plenty of messes and spills and unkind words and just plain old rough days. We carry scars with us, and I know we’ll face plenty more hard days ahead. But we’ve also seen beauty. We’ve seen the brevity of life firsthand and the importance of making every day count. We celebrate each other’s successes, cry with each other in moments of sadness or disappointment, and laugh as often as we can. We even are known to stop and break out in some kind of crazy dance from time to time.

So yea, today’s post is basically a brag on my kids, because I believe they are pretty much amazing and I am one blessed woman to be given the gift from my Father of being their mom. There’s a lot I don’t understand about God’s ways or why He allows what He does, but I am convinced of His love for me every day through my children.

Happy Mother’s Day out there to all the moms who may read this. May we never forget, no matter how hard life gets or how trying our kids can be, that we are truly the blessed ones.

A birthday letter to my son...

Dear Eldest Son,

This week, we celebrated another birthday of yours. Why does it seem like they already keep coming faster? I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. They had set me up for an induction a week before my due date, because your older sister had come fast, and they didn’t have enough time to get all the medicine in me to fight the group B strep I carried that could harm her. So in order to not face the same experience again, the induction was set up for Monday morning, the day after Easter. But of course, like everyone warned me would happen, I started realizing on Saturday afternoon that it was time, and we headed for the hospital. Sure enough, around 8:30 on a beautiful sunny Easter Sunday morning, you arrived.

I have loved all along that those details are a part of your story, because it was able to encourage so many people afterward. You see, a year before to the exact day, I had miscarried a little baby that I had only carried inside of me for six weeks. I remember being in our church’s Easter service, clinging to the hope of the Resurrection with a struggling heart that was grieving the loss of a child and wondering if we would ever be able to have any more children. But I believe God is the Great Author of some of the best stories, and it was no coincidence that you were born a year later, on that very date, and on Easter Sunday – the day of all days for celebrating. Any time I had the opportunity to share that story with anyone who was grieving a miscarriage, I would, praying that it would give them a glimmer of hope that He is still writing their stories and they haven’t been forgotten.

Now, seven years later, we are in a place I would have never ever wished for you and wish with all my heart that I could have protected you from. Yet, God is still writing your story, and I am believing once again, that it’s going to be a good one. You continue to miss your amazing father, but don’t choose to dwell in the grief. Instead, you choose to live life to the fullest, laughing through the present and always dreaming and sharing your desires for our family’s future. Your little heart full of hope inspires me to keep hoping too. Your willingness to forgive when people hurt you or don’t follow through on their plans, keeps my heart challenged to forgive too. And your love for others and desire to show Jesus to them keeps me looking out for ways I can serve and love too.

Never lose that, sweet boy. This world is an ugly one, full of hurt and pain, and constantly threatening to sink you in its overwhelming burdens and trials. I wish so badly that I could protect you from any further hurt, but I know it’s a part of living in this fallen place. Still, when you continue to keep your focus on His Kingdom and pursue it with all your heart, the Lord has the incomprehensible ability to fill you with His joy and peace that transcends all else. His love for you is greater than you can ever fathom, and He desires to lavish it on you for all the days of your life as His eternal child – His heir.

I am only one person, one parent – and even though I wish I could fill some of the holes that now exist in your life, I won’t ever be able to. But He is a Father to the Fatherless, the Master hole filler. I promise to do the very best job I can to parent and love you, but when I mess up, as I will – keep turning to Him. He will always be more than enough. And His big Resurrection story – this eternal victory through the Cross that we celebrate particularly on Easter Sunday – and that has been personally woven into your smaller story from the day of your birth celebration, will always always hold true… no matter what life brings.

Happy birthday, L!  I love you more than words could say.

Book review... Whatever You Grow up to Be

Life has been busy and I will get back with personal blogging soon, but I've got some review books I will be posting about in the meantime! The first one is such a sweet one...

I received this book, Whatever You Grow up to Be, in the mail to review, and it was just so sweet and cute that I dropped everything we were doing to read it right away to my little boys! Karen Kingsbury, the author of this book for children, is one of my favorite adult Christian fiction writers. I've also seen her do an incredible job on other children's books, and she has on this one as well. It almost made me cry!

The book follows a little boy from the time he is born until he becomes the father of his own little boy, as the mom reminds him at every stage how she will always be there for him and cheer him on. The illustrations are stunning and cute, as they enter into some imaginative worlds of the boy as well.  The boys loved looking at them, and N particularly was fond of the boy's dog being on almost every page too. ;)

This is a beautiful book that will be treasured by moms and sons alike. I can even see purchasing this for baby showers or your own new son's birth. It will definitely be read over and over to my boys as I remind them how much I love them and will support them in whatever plan God has for their lives.  

 Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Thanksgiving fun for little adventurers

If you are looking for a fun scavenger hunt to do with your kids on Thanksgiving that helps them learn more about the history of Thanksgiving, look no further!  The My Kids Adventures site is featuring a great one by Susan that we had so much fun participating in.  There's a great free printable that will need to be cut apart, and each clue tells you exactly where to hide it.   

Then comes the fun part... letting the kids look for them and read all of the interesting Thanksgiving facts on them!  

What a great way to learn all about the beginning of this great American holiday!  

I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  No matter what is going on in our lives that we wish we could change, we all have so very much to be grateful for, don't we?  

Happy Thanksgiving!