If you are one of the few precious people who read this blog, you may have noticed that I’ve been quiet for awhile. Like… pretty much since before
Christmas. Way too long. Maybe you've heard the crickets chirping here. :) Sure, I’ve done a few product reviews and
those are always fun, but I really haven’t taken the time to express my own thoughts
in awhile.
To be honest, I haven’t really known what to
say. The Lord has had me in this “quiet
season” right now. It’s a season of
rediscovering what I know to be true about Him and yet discovering things about
Him that I’ve never truly known before. It’s a season of reshaping my faith and shutting
my mouth so that I can really hear His Word and His voice in new ways. And, it’s a season of stripping… of painful
pruning and trust walks, when I can’t see where He’s taking me.
(a precious 5-year old version of Jesus coming back in the clouds)
This week marks two years since my sweet husband went to be
with Jesus. Everyone prepared me that
the second year post loss would be harder, and boy, were they right. I’ve been faced with some really difficult
trials this year, and been up against some obstacles that I’ve never encountered before and could have never guessed were coming. Our circle of support has also grown smaller,
but I was prepared for that too, thanks to wise words I’ve read from the lovely
Kay Warren. The grief pops up in less expected ways that I'm not as prepared for. Through it all, I’ve had to continually
learn more and more to let Jesus be my total sufficiency, and trust Him to provide all that we
need in His perfect timing. That timing, of course, is far different from my own.
Yet, He has been so so faithful in gently guiding me on this
journey and giving me a strength I could never conjure up on my own to endure whatever each day brings. He has humbled me greatly as I see more and
more, that this life has nothing to do with me and everything to do with
Him. He has challenged my faith through the lives of others who have walked this journey before me. He has brought broken dreams to the
spotlight of my prayers and has given me the boldness to bravely approach Him
with my shattered heart, entrusting Him again and again with those dreams. And
when I do, He beautifully pours in me the hope, though some days bleak, to
continue dreaming and trusting.
I want to see Him continue to work, and to accomplish those
dreams He’s put in my heart. But for now, I believe it’s about being still
and letting Him fight for me as I learn that in quietness and confidence is my
strength. (Is. 30:15)
Pastor James MacDonald
visited my church recently, and preached from James 1. When he spoke on James 1:3-4:
"...for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
He explained that steadfastness, patience, or whatever other word your
Bible translation gives, is the Greek word “hupomena”… which means "to remain
under." This is the true challenge of trials and hard
seasons in our lives. Will we choose to
remain under when all we want to do is to get out? To stop fighting it and endure for as long as
is needed, learning what our Father wants us to from it? What a lesson learned
that will help us through anything we will face in life! When we learn how to “remain under” well, it
is a funnel through which all other ministry and life opportunities will
grow.
This brought so much clarity to me and encouraged me, as I
hope it does for you, that God is using the hard seasons to teach us so
much. The process of learning how to
remain under will not only help me now, but in whatever seasons that are
ahead.
So for now, I choose to remain
under even when it’s painful. And remaining
under may mean more quiet. More seeking
instead of speaking. I may be quiet for awhile longer. The crickets may keep chirping around here, but amidst the silence, a lot more can be learned than it often can in the noise.
I honestly don’t really know what’s
ahead. I have big dreams and plans, even for
this little blog, but they are all in God’s hands.
And I'm learning that there’s no one better to hold them.