On Father's Day...

Last week, I found myself sick and waiting for a half hour to see the PA at the CVS clinic near me… and this is what I had to look at.  It was hard.  Really hard.  I felt as bad emotionally after that as I felt physically, and maybe even worse.   It’s that time of the year that we used to love that we now dread… Father’s Day is nearing. 

We used to love Father’s Day.  It used to be a time when we gathered pictures, I created scrapbooks, and the kids made up tickets for back rubs and hugs that we couldn’t wait to shower on B on that special Sunday.   Some of the best pictures I have of him and the kids are in those scrapbooks that we will always keep and cherish. 

But now… I repeatedly find myself cringing as it approaches.  Every commercial or store sign that flaunts the commercialism of this holiday that now painfully and constantly reminds us of our loss.  I enter Mama Bear protective mode as I analyze how my kids will handle all the reminders that circle around them.   I look for ways to try to have a little family fun to just try to survive the day.  And I most of all pray earnestly for their little hearts, that their Heavenly Father will continue to fill the void their earthly father's death left in their lives. 

And, of course, that’s the “churchy” answer to this whole thing.  That pat spiritual answer that is supposed to make those without a father feel better.  And down deep, I do believe it.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father is all powerful and full of love for His children, and cares deeply about those growing up without a father.  His love can fill that void. 

But how does He usually show His love?  Through others.  Through those who have experienced His love and want to pass it on.  Through those who are burdened to care for those who may not be experiencing the life they dreamed of living.   Through those whose own difficult stories have changed their outlooks on life, choosing to live their days with purpose and impact on those with whom they come into contact. 

So this Father’s Day weekend, that’s my request.  Not just for my own fatherless children, but for the thousands of children in this country alone who are growing up without the blessing of a father.  Be that blessing.  Don’t just tell them of their Heavenly Father, but show them.   You can give a family a gift card to go have some fun together – or better yet, you can take out some kids you know, who need a positive and loving male role model in their lives, for some fun they won’t soon forget.    Show them that they are loved, they are special, and they are not forgotten.  Perhaps, when those children see that love demonstrated in a physical and tangible way, they will see a beautiful portrayal of their Heavenly Father’s love in a better way than they ever will without your presence in their lives.  

Just because you took a little time to truly care.  

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!   -Matthew 7:11

So they'll always know...

One thing that has helped me tremendously in my grief over losing B, is all of the cards and letters he has written me throughout the years.  This man was a writer through and through, and from the time we first started dating, he charmed me pretty quickly with his way with words.  Compliments, encouragement, love letters... he wrote them all.   

Of course now, all of those written words are even more treasured.  They remind me how blessed I am to have been loved so well by such a great man, comfort me in my tears, and give me courage to keep going.  To keep believing my Heavenly Father's plan when I don't understand it.  Those words B said and wrote will always speak to me, even almost prophetically at times.  I've always desired to write things down for my kids to always keep, but now that desire is stronger than ever.  So here are some things I've committed to so my kiddos hopefully always know how loved they are, long after I'm gone.  I hope this list inspires others to make the written word a priority as well. 

1.  Those three little words - Just say "I love you" regularly.  And write it down too.  B and I never ended a phone conversation or left the house without saying this to each other.  Now, I make this of utmost importance in my conversations with my kids.  Time is too precious to forget to say it.  But time also moves quickly and keeps us busy.  So if I only have time to leave a little post it somewhere with those words on there for them to find hidden somewhere, I do it.  I love how they are starting to do the same for me now too! :) 

2.  Time - The "to do" lists will never ever end.  I have to know when to stop looking at them and give my kids some attention.  This is really hard for me sometimes.  I'm a worker.  But again, I've seen how quickly life can change, and I always want my kids to know that they are my priority.  I love Project Life and how I can keep track of all our photos so easily.  Just add the picture, journal a little, and you're done.  It helps us cherish those memories.  

3.  Yearly journals - I keep a journal for each of my kids that I write in on each birthday.  I've skipped a few, but overall, it will be something consistent that they have for when they become an adult.  Maybe even to give them on their graduation or their wedding day. 

4.  "Mama & Me" journals - this idea is from Pinterest, of course.  My older two have one of these now, and N will start his soon.  It's a way for them to express their feelings and ask questions that they may not feel comfortable or find the words to say.  It's private too. They love this.  

5.  Lunch notes - I get consistent with these for awhile and then get forgetful.  But I try. :)  They sit in a drawer full of stationary, near where I make lunches, so I can better remember. 

6.  Love frames - I've been wanting to make these for awhile, ever since I saw them on Becky Higgins' blog.  

I finally got them up in the kids' bathroom, thanks to this printable and some help hanging them.  Not a great picture, but you get the idea of how fun these are.

If you have any other ideas, I'd LOVE for you to leave a comment and share them with me.  The more ways, the better!  The point is that I believe our words will outlive us, and I always want my kids to know with my written words, as well as my spoken ones, how much I love them and thank God for them.   They are such a blessing, and I pray they will know that in their hearts forever.

I am not enough.

I am sure you’ve heard the saying that “it takes a village.” I’d be the first one to raise my hand in agreement. But I’d also be quick to go a step further and assure you that it also takes an Almighty God directing that village. At least that is how it’s looked pretty clearly in my life lately. And I don’t know if I could function a full day without that truth.

I am not enough. You need to know that about me, because you’d find it out soon enough anyway. I am seriously not enough in my own strength, no matter how hard I try. There are three kids living in my home, and only one mom. And now, there is only one parent doing what God designed to be a two person job. I can do the very best job I possibly can do, and I will still pretty much always mess up something. Last week I did a pretty good job getting everyone where they needed to be, but made a pretty big mistake in my job that could have had some pretty bad results. (Thankfully, it didn’t!) Another week, I’ve had everything done that I needed to for work, but really messed up when it came to really being there for my kids, not listening to what was on their hearts. And then there are those times when our own bodies and souls are getting so little attention because we are so busy taking care of everyone else, that we end up sick. Yes, you guessed it - that’s me this week.

But the way I see it, the sooner we come to the realization that we will mess up, the better off we are. It means that we can more honest with ourselves and more real with others, and I for one, crave that in a friendship. I heard Pastor Matt Chandler say recently that “there is no freedom in a lack of honesty”, and it’s so true. So I guess, if nothing else, I have honesty to offer you. :) I am not enough on my own. I cannot do it all. I will try to juggle as many plates as I’ve been given to juggle, but I can assure you that I will probably drop one regularly.

And that’s where the village comes in. This beautifully orchestrated body that Christ has ordained to help meet each other’s needs and carry each other’s burdens. And I know that it ultimately comes from Him, because most of the time the help received begins with a “God put this on my heart” type statement. It’s using their own talents and giftedness, in a beautiful and unselfish way.

(last day of 3rd grade)

(last day of 1st grade)

(last day of preK)

Last week, my kids finished school. It was the first complete school year we went through without B, and it wasn’t easy. Yet, they finished strong with honors, and with character award choices from their teachers that made me cry and would make their Daddy so proud. So, besides thanking God, I need to say a huge ‘thank you” shout to my village. To those who help with rides to and from places, and childcare when I need to be somewhere with one and the others need to be watched. To those who continue to provide us with meals and gift cards when we have busy nights trying to squeeze in a meal before a sports practice. To those who have helped with the funds needed for the kids to participating in activities they are eager to try. To those who encourage both me and the kids when things get hard, and remind us that Christ loves us dearly. To those who regularly pray for us and encourage us by letting us know that they do. To those who understand that grief is a lifelong journey, not a sprint, and who accept me as I am in that moment without trying to change me. To those who give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it, and a night out to laugh and be free from life’s burdens for awhile when I need that too.

You are all beautiful members of the body of Christ, and your role, whatever it is, is far from insignificant. It is blessing our family, and it is helping us move forward successfully knowing that we can do all things -even the hard ones - through Him who gives us strength. Thank you, to each and every one of you.

Our family loves and thanks the Lord for you!


"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy." -Philippians 1:3-4

Lessons from creation

Sometimes, the answers we need may just be found by stepping outside our front doors. 

Now, I’ve been a church going girl from the time I was on the cradle roll.  I love to spend a quiet hour at a Christian bookstore, scoping out the latest resources available.  My own bookshelves are filled with great solid books that can help point a person to Christ and His Word, based on whatever situation they are in.  And I'm thankful for the freedom, education, and comfort found there. 

But sometimes I forget to go right to the source.  To this amazing Creator who sovereignly ordains all that comes about in this vast universe, and still cares and provides for me personally.   I wouldn’t get to know a friend all that well just by talking to her friends, or reading journal entries those women wrote about my new friend.  I would want to spend time with her personally.

And just like that, God calls me back not only to His Word, but to His creation.  Because in His creation, is portrayed His story.  His beauty.  His majesty.  His sovereign control.  His care.  His love. 

I’ve recently become a huge Ken Gire fan, first by reading his incredible book titled The North Face of God, where he relates the difficult times we face in life with the incredible dangers of the north face of a huge mountain.  (Read it!  You will be so glad you did.) This led me to other books by him, and so far, they are all amazing.  My favorite part about his writing is that he takes his illustrations from nature, and through this, I’ve been developing new eyes to see them again too…

The choice to believe that the sun is still there even when it’s not shining.

The beautiful calm that comes right after a powerful storm.

The strength of an oak tree shown by the depth of its roots.

The way a mama bird cares for its young. 

The worthwhile, never wasted time it takes for a seed to grow.

The realization that the caterpillar's loneliest days are right before it’s transformed into a beautiful butterfly.

All these, and more, have been reminders to me lately to not get so busy, that I don’t have the time to be outside.  Because I think there may be more lessons out there for me to learn from than my little bookworm self might ever realize.  And not only can I learn from them, but I’ve got little people I'm parenting who are naturally in awe of the wonders found in creation, if they are only given the time to see them.

Summer is coming.  I can almost count the days on one hand.  We are so very ready.  Normal activities we do during the school year are ending, and you’d better believe you will soon find us outside more often.  At a park, at a beach, taking walks... whatever we can, whenever we can.  

Because there’s a world out there that tells of His glory, and I for one, don’t want to miss it by staying stuck inside four walls.  

Happy Mother's Day...

My kids are my heroes. Yes, you read that right. This year, while the world is busy celebrating Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate Kids’ Day. Sure, part of that is probably because I have no one quite old enough to organize a breakfast in bed or the ability to take the day off to relax as my form of celebration. :)  But it’s much more because I am honestly just that proud of them. They inspire me to be a better mother, and a better woman, because of how they choose to live life, and force me to be braver just to keep up with their bravery.

We are coming to the end of another school year, and the first full one they’ve had to face without their dad, who was always so involved in their activities. And yes, it hurts them to see all their friends’ dads there when theirs can’t be, but it has never stopped them. They deal with their grief in that moment, and then choose to live. Like, really truly fully live… from the time they wake up in the morning -usually before it’s even light out - until the time they go to bed with all of their animals plopped on top of them. I have to slow them down and make them choose activities because they want to do them all. To be on the go, go, go... all day, every day.

So of course, that’s where I have to be a bit of a voice of reason for them. But at the same time, I love how they have chosen not to make their circumstances a crutch to hinder them from trying new things or not excel at what they have set out to do. I’m amazed as I reflect on all of the new things they’ve tried this year, and the ways they’ve grown. I'm so proud of them and pray they can continue to live that way as they grow and face other hard things. They take God at His Word, and choose to live expectant lives that long for Heaven, but spend today living and singing and laughing. And that’s where I’m the one who can learn from them.

We may look different now than a “normal” family, and we always will. We are far from perfect, and we will never will be this side of Heaven. We’ve got plenty of messes and spills and unkind words and just plain old rough days. We carry scars with us, and I know we’ll face plenty more hard days ahead. But we’ve also seen beauty. We’ve seen the brevity of life firsthand and the importance of making every day count. We celebrate each other’s successes, cry with each other in moments of sadness or disappointment, and laugh as often as we can. We even are known to stop and break out in some kind of crazy dance from time to time.

So yea, today’s post is basically a brag on my kids, because I believe they are pretty much amazing and I am one blessed woman to be given the gift from my Father of being their mom. There’s a lot I don’t understand about God’s ways or why He allows what He does, but I am convinced of His love for me every day through my children.

Happy Mother’s Day out there to all the moms who may read this. May we never forget, no matter how hard life gets or how trying our kids can be, that we are truly the blessed ones.

3 Ways an Ordinary Mama Can Say "Yes" (and a giveaway)

Giveaway has ended... and the winners are Amy and Kristin!  Enjoy this wonderful read, girls! 


(...which also could be titled as “Ways the Lord is Working on my Heart”) :) :) 

Last week I blogged about a great book I’ve been reading called Rhinestone Jesus, written by Kristen Welch.  This book is about to hit store shelves, and you will want it.  Ever since I finished reading it, I’ve been contemplating its message.  This idea of being willing to say “yes” to Jesus, no matter what that means.  In the big, in the small, and in the not so pretty.   You see, I’m just an ordinary mama, with no major ministries going on or maternity homes across the ocean that I’m trying to build, and that means I could easily dismiss Kristen’s story in this book because it’s not mine. 

But I’d be missing the point of the entire book.  You see, no matter where we are in life, we are being called.  Called to offer our “yes” to a Father who knows what is best for His children when we don’t have a clue what tomorrow may bring.  And that’s a really scary thing sometimes.   In the midst of my own life mess right now, these three areas have stuck out to me as ways He's calling me to offer my “yes”:

My time.  Oh, my time is so precious to me these days.  My time… that time when there is nothing that must be done and no one asking anything of me.  That’s because that kind of time rarely ever comes.   And when it does, I often want to be selfish with it.  I may refuse to spend time with someone who is hurting because I need some “me time,” refuse to play a game with my kids because I finally have the time to pick up a book I’ve been waiting to read,  or sleep in a little longer instead of waking up early enough to have some quality prayer time before the kiddos are roused. 

When I say “yes” to Jesus, I let Him direct my time.  And if my day ends up looking a whole lot different than what I planned but I look back at the end of it knowing Jesus was the one who directed it, than I can trust Him to also bring me the nourishment and down time He knows I need to keep functioning well.

My talents.  The Lord has given us all gifts and abilities, and sometimes, I want to use my unique giftings for my own purposes.  I want to rush opportunities and make them happen before God’s timing and fulfillment, or in different ways than He’d like.  Or, I want to ignore where I’ve been gifted and waste my time doing other things, instead of using it to refine my gifts and use them where I’ve been planted. 

When I say “yes” to Jesus, I give my talents back to Him for Him to use as He sees fit.  I choose not to get frustrated when it’s not the right timing to use them, or He uses them in a way that I may not have chosen.  And when He does choose to use them in ways that get me way out of my comfort zone, I am willing to "do it scared," as Beth Moore says.

 My treasure.  A lot of people define this as their money, and rightly so, because the Bible says that “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  So I take it a step further and pretty much sum up my treasure as everything I hold precious in my heart – including my desires, hopes and dreams. 

And when I say “yes” to Jesus, I choose to trust Him with my heart.  I choose to believe that He sees where I am broken, and is working to mend me in a more beautiful way than I can imagine, even when I can’t see anything but scars.  I choose to place all of my desires, hopes and dreams in His hands and let Him do with them whatever He wants. 

Much easier said than done, isn’t it?  That’s why I needed this book, and I believe every other woman does too.  I am one weak woman, fully dependent on the Lord and always needing to rely on His grace and strength to help me in my mess each and every day.  But when you read someone else’s story of saying “yes” and it’s presented as beautifully as Kristen’s, doesn’t it make you long to say “yes” more often?  And don’t you feel a little braver when you know that others around you have been willing to say “yes” too? 

Rhinestone Jesus officially releases on May 1^st of this week, but I’m so excited that I have two copies to give away here on my blog!  Just leave a comment sharing something pertaining to your own “yes” story by 11:59 p.m. on Thursday, May 1st, and I’ll draw two winners on Friday!  

Yes in my mess.

Saying “yes” may just make life downright messy. 

I’ve been reading an advance copy of Kristen Welch’s new book coming out, Rhinestone Jesus, and it’s been making me contemplate a lot. In particular, it’s been making me think about all the times I’ve made the choice to say “yes.”

Yes, to begin studying to be a teacher.

Yes, to further that study by going away from home and leaving what was familiar.

Yes, to student teach in yet another unknown area, living with strangers.

Yes, to come back home to accept a teaching job when I wanted to stay. 

Yes, to accept a marriage proposal from my high school crush.

Yes, to stop teaching in the classroom and begin on a long crazy journey called motherhood.

Yes, to promise to support my husband in every way as we walked the unexpected road of cancer.

Yes, to answer the call to adoption.

Yes, to commit to trusting God’s plan while I journey through a world now filled with loss.

None of my yeses have been big ones, especially compared to Kristen’s big choice to open a maternity home in Kenya.   They really are quite insignificant.  Some were exhilarating and some were downright painful.  I’m sure you could say the same about your own.  I’d love for my story to include my saying “yes” to something much bigger and have an exciting "big" story to share.  But He’s called me to a lot of little yeses, and I honestly believe that all of those little “yes” answers still add up to something bigger beyond them.  It’s the ability to trust God more completely as the choice to say "yes" makes life a little messier.  It’s the continual stretching of the soul that in turn makes me braver because it becomes a choice I just have to keep making even when I'm weak and scared, because I know without a doubt that there just isn’t a better alternative. 

Shortly after B passed, I remember my daughter asking me if I would have married him if I would have known I would lose him 9 years later.  Though I answered her with a "yes" at the time, I really reflected on that for awhile afterward.  At times, I absolutely hate the season we've been in.  But at the same time, what would have happened if I would have said “no”?  I would have missed out on an amazing marriage and three precious children who bless me every day with their sweetness.   I would have missed seeing my Savior’s love for me in huge ways through His body’s coming together and lavishing love on us.  I would have stayed planted in my own little safe world, afraid to take risks because I’m not sure of the outcome.  And what fun is that, especially when as hard as we may try to control life, there are always things beyond our control anyway? 

So, I believe that our “yes” answers make us braver.  When we say “yes” a few times, we are able to keep saying it.  We are able to see that God is bigger than the mess, and He sees way beyond it to something stunningly beautiful in His big picture story. 

Saying “yes” might be the scariest thing ever.   

But – it might be the best thing we ever choose to do.  

A birthday letter to my son...

Dear Eldest Son,

This week, we celebrated another birthday of yours. Why does it seem like they already keep coming faster? I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. They had set me up for an induction a week before my due date, because your older sister had come fast, and they didn’t have enough time to get all the medicine in me to fight the group B strep I carried that could harm her. So in order to not face the same experience again, the induction was set up for Monday morning, the day after Easter. But of course, like everyone warned me would happen, I started realizing on Saturday afternoon that it was time, and we headed for the hospital. Sure enough, around 8:30 on a beautiful sunny Easter Sunday morning, you arrived.

I have loved all along that those details are a part of your story, because it was able to encourage so many people afterward. You see, a year before to the exact day, I had miscarried a little baby that I had only carried inside of me for six weeks. I remember being in our church’s Easter service, clinging to the hope of the Resurrection with a struggling heart that was grieving the loss of a child and wondering if we would ever be able to have any more children. But I believe God is the Great Author of some of the best stories, and it was no coincidence that you were born a year later, on that very date, and on Easter Sunday – the day of all days for celebrating. Any time I had the opportunity to share that story with anyone who was grieving a miscarriage, I would, praying that it would give them a glimmer of hope that He is still writing their stories and they haven’t been forgotten.

Now, seven years later, we are in a place I would have never ever wished for you and wish with all my heart that I could have protected you from. Yet, God is still writing your story, and I am believing once again, that it’s going to be a good one. You continue to miss your amazing father, but don’t choose to dwell in the grief. Instead, you choose to live life to the fullest, laughing through the present and always dreaming and sharing your desires for our family’s future. Your little heart full of hope inspires me to keep hoping too. Your willingness to forgive when people hurt you or don’t follow through on their plans, keeps my heart challenged to forgive too. And your love for others and desire to show Jesus to them keeps me looking out for ways I can serve and love too.

Never lose that, sweet boy. This world is an ugly one, full of hurt and pain, and constantly threatening to sink you in its overwhelming burdens and trials. I wish so badly that I could protect you from any further hurt, but I know it’s a part of living in this fallen place. Still, when you continue to keep your focus on His Kingdom and pursue it with all your heart, the Lord has the incomprehensible ability to fill you with His joy and peace that transcends all else. His love for you is greater than you can ever fathom, and He desires to lavish it on you for all the days of your life as His eternal child – His heir.

I am only one person, one parent – and even though I wish I could fill some of the holes that now exist in your life, I won’t ever be able to. But He is a Father to the Fatherless, the Master hole filler. I promise to do the very best job I can to parent and love you, but when I mess up, as I will – keep turning to Him. He will always be more than enough. And His big Resurrection story – this eternal victory through the Cross that we celebrate particularly on Easter Sunday – and that has been personally woven into your smaller story from the day of your birth celebration, will always always hold true… no matter what life brings.

Happy birthday, L!  I love you more than words could say.

I choose to dance.

It’s late and I never write this late, so perhaps none of this will make any sense – but that’s ok, because I write more for myself anyway, and it’s been too long since I stopped and shared my thoughts.  My kids have been on spring break this week, so any daytime writing time just hasn’t been a possibility.  I think the words just keep piling up in my head and heart until they just have to come out, which is where I’m at tonight.  :) 

Usually, the words also revolve around a theme I’ve been learning, and tonight is no different.  This quote has been in my head this week:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

You’ve heard it, I'm sure.  Probably a million times, just like I have.  But it’s been circling around in my head especially this week.  Like I mentioned, this week was spring break for my kids, and I had high intentions of planning a lot of fun adventures.  Our local pool just opened back up too, and I told the kids we would get to spend time there this week.  But… then, it started raining.  And then got windy.  Then got cold.  Then got rainy again.  And basically our plans got washed away with the rain showers. 

But I’m getting pretty experienced with changed plans.  So instead, I’ve been really productive with getting some projects done around the house while the kids begged to watch Frozen again, so that we can be out enjoying the nice weather when it comes.  And between the work, we’ve read books, played games, eaten quite a few desserts, and laughed a lot together.   So no, it’s not a spring break any of us will probably be talking about for years to come – but then again, who knows?  Maybe it will be.

I am not a good dancer.  If I can’t even dance well on a dance floor, you had better believe that I would immediately slip and fall if I tried to dance for long while dodging puddles during a rainstorm.  But I’m thankful this quote means more to me than just the literal translation.  Because there have been a lot of life’s storms around me lately.  Aside from our own hardships, there have been several people we know and love going through some really hard things even this week.  It makes me want to throw up now just thinking about what they are having to endure. 

If there’s one thing I’ve seen in the last 14 months, it’s that life can change instantly, leaving us in a pile of tears and questions.   Every one of us wakes up in the morning having no idea what we will be hit with that day.   Maybe it will be something exciting.  These days, I wake up hopeful that it will be.  But I also wake up with the realization that this world is full of pain and hardship, and I can’t wait for the pain and hardship to go away before I do things.  Because nothing but our Heavenly Father and His love for us will ever really be a certainty in this world. 

So, I choose to dance, and for me, to dance means to live.  Depending on the type of dance, I may have to go slowly and follow a learning curve, but I still choose to try.  To choose to be the best me I can be today and not wait around until tomorrow to first find out if it will be a better day.  To stay up late reading books sometimes even when I know I’ll be tired in the morning, because it’s the only “me time” I’ve gotten for the last few days.  To push myself in the gym even when I know I’ll be sore the next day.  To watch Spiderman cartoons on YouTube so I can be the best storyteller possible to my little boy who is missing his daddy’s great bedtime stories.   To sit and play another board game when the sink is full of dishes.  To go after dreams, even when I have no clue if they will ever come to fruition.   

Because dancing is way more fun than just watching or wishing.  

Book review - No More Perfect Kids

If you've been following any of my social media accounts lately, you've seen that I've been posting a lot of great quotes from a fabulous new book that is hot off the press and available TODAY - No More Perfect Kids.

Did you read Jill Savage's last book, No More Perfect Moms? If so, you're familiar with the "perfection infection", a desire to appear like everything is perfect that invades our homes, lives, and parenting, instead of accepting and dealing with "real life" and difficult moments. This time, Jill's back with the help of Dr. Kathy Koch, focusing on how the perfection infection ruins parents' reality and acceptance of who God made our kids to be. Instead of perfection being our guide, the authors teach us how to achieve excellence instead of perfection in our parenting of our kids, foster their character and abilities through love and time, and help them find the purposes God created them to fulfill, cheering them on all the while.  And through all of it, the underlying theme is love for our kids for who they truly are, even when it's not what we expected.

This book is filled with general information on how to parent our children uniquely and in a loving but expecting style.  1 Corinthians 13, known as the "love chapter" in the Bible, is paraphrased beautifully from a parenting perspective.  Furthermore, the book is filled with practical tips on how to go about this sometimes daunting task.  My favorite part, though, are the additional helps given in the index - a list of feeling words to help our children put their feelings into words, a list of appropriate tasks by age, ways to pray for our children using Bible verses, and a list of character qualities to develop in our children.  These bonus materials wrap this book up perfectly with an action plan to carry out after the book is read.

And speaking of bonus materials, there are plenty more available as a free gift, when you buy this book between March 13-23.  Head on over here to find out more info on that.

There is also a new blog available entitled "No More Perfect", where we can join together to embrace reality, whatever that currently looks like in our families.  You can sign up here to receive weekly emails of encouragement all about this topic of embracing imperfection.

Finally, there will be a Facebook group study on this book coming soon.  You won't want to miss it!

How's that for some perfect ways to help us get rid of the need for parenting perfection?  Be sure to grab a copy of the book now while you are thinking of it, and have a great rest of your week!

The beauty of broken.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I needed to unplug some, and just focus on falling deeper in love with Jesus.  I write that with zero desire for any praise or compliments whatsoever, because the reason was not at all a good one.  I realized I was doubting Him.  I realized that I was struggling to let Him be enough for me.  I knew He was asking for that, and I needed to be willing. 

So I took Facebook off my phone and put strict limits on how much social media I was allowed,  and entered into a 10-day period of trying to quiet all the distractions and just trying to feast on Him with every moment He allowed me.  I prayed that I would be overwhelmed by the love that He longs to lavish on me.  And I was.  But along with it, what I discovered wasn’t all that pretty.  Pride.  Fear.  Doubt.  The more time I spent with Him, the more undone I realized I was and the more I realized I needed Him.   And I realized He was asking me: “I know you believe that I can make beauty from ashes, but do you really truly believe I can do it in your life, your family and in your mess?  And do you understand that it may not happen the way you think it will or want it to, but in MY divine way?”

I’m only writing this down to remind myself of and to hopefully encourage others with, because in this journey, He led me to a book called The Beauty of Broken, by Elisa Morgan.   In this book, Elisa, the former CEO/President of MOPS International for many years, opens up with her very personal family story of pain and what most would call “messy.”  Yet she weaves God’s redemptive grace through all of it, like a red ribbon of hope because of the blood His Son shed on the cross to cover all of the sin and the mess.  

And that?  That transforms all of the ugly mess and makes it all beautiful. Only through Him. 

I absolutely love this part of the book, wrote it down, and was so encouraged by it that I knew others need to hear it too. 

God used…

Two broken stone tablets… to bring about the Israelites’ repentance.

Broken pitchers that covered torches… to make Gideon’s enemies fall back.

A broken heart… to return King David to His heart.

A broken roof… as an access for a cripple to receive Jesus’ healing.

Broken bread loaves… in Jesus’ feeding the more than 5,000.

Broken fishing nets… to challenge the disciples to fully depend on Him.

A broken flask of nard… to express love that flows out of a relationship.

A broken ship… to steer Paul to Malta to share the Gospel.

A broken body… to provide salvation for all mankind!

Wow.  He not only CAN use brokenness to bring beauty, but He seems to delight in it.

I just have to be willing to let Him.  

"...but You are the Savior, and You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful."

365 days.

365 days. It’s been that long since I have felt his arms around me, or his hand holding mine as we knelt together in prayer before our Father. Since I heard his big boisterous laugh, listened to him share his future ministry dreams with me, or just overheard him playfully count to ten as he took part in a game of hide and seek around the house with the kids. Since I’ve seen his work number pop up on the caller ID at lunchtime just to check in, or saw his eyes crinkle with that big smile, as he told me how beautiful I was and how blessed he was to be my husband.

The list could go on and on, but the bottom line is… it’s been a year today. A year of intense grief, and a year of lavished grace. A year of heart wrenching loss, and a year of never ending, Heaven sent love. And the only way to truly describe it is to say that I am held. Held in the palm of His hand while evil tries to prevail and life can appear so crazy busy that I don’t even know how I will make it through the current day. Sometimes I haven’t even known the words to describe it – this all encompassing Presence that brings peace when all around me is unknown and chaotic.

"...and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

My prayer all along has been based on Isaiah 61:3. I have prayed for beauty from ashes, and that I would be willing to suffer and deal with the loneliness that this year has brought with it, if that is what will bring God glory. It’s such a hard prayer to pray, but even when it hurts, I know it’s right and how I can please Him with my life after all He’s done for me. My little feeble attempt of sacrificial worship in response to His lavished gift of His Son’s sacrifice on the cross. My God is good and He is for me. He has made it very clear through the multitude of people who have come alongside us this year, that He loves us, and we are never truly alone.

I’m still waiting to see how the beauty from ashes will take shape. I understand that it may take a lot of patience, possibly a really long time to see, and that there will probably be fully unanswered questions until I get to Heaven myself. 

But it’s the second half of that verse that has become more real and practical to me. It’s the part about the oak of righteousness, for the display of His splendor. I heard Lauren Chandler pray it recently: “Lord, let my roots grow so deep in You, and may such great fruit result that You receive much glory.” And it’s been my prayer since right after B’s passing – “Grow my roots deep, Jesus. Let them be so firmly planted that nothing on this earth can destroy them.”

I watched just the other day, as fence guys tried to lay a fence post too close to a large oak tree in our back yard. Over and over they hit at those roots, until they were covered in sweat and had to stop for a break. Those roots didn’t budge easily, no matter how hard they were hit. And I saw it once again. The importance of the roots – the foundation of the tree. When we see Christ for who He really is – His majesty and our smallness, His sovereignty and our weakness - our roots stay grounded. The tree sways, loses some branches, and looks a little beat up after the storm. But the roots underneath? It will take a whole lot more to destroy them. They are grounded, and they continue to grow.

So, believing that only through God’s strength, He gives me the ability to remain grounded like an oak tree, I choose to move forward. Yes, I will always love and miss B, and be grateful for the amazing husband and father he was that helped shape a strong foundation for our family. But I believe He has good in store for me and my children, and I’m trusting Him with hope and expectation at the future. And, I’m grateful that by God’s grace, a lot of others’ prayers, and godly wise counsel, I’ve made it through a really hard year with my roots still secure.

So today, our family will cry as we celebrate B and the impact he made during his somewhat short time on earth. But much more, we will celebrate a God who holds us in the palm of His hand and works in amazing ways to secure our roots, and lets us see His beautiful love and merciful provision shining through the darkest of nights.

Book review - The Storm Inside

I recently got the opportunity to review the new book The Storm Inside, by Sheila Walsh, as part of the launch team for this book. Of course, anything that has to do with a storm these days, I know I will totally be able to relate to and glean something from, as this past year has been quite the huge storm. The Lord has shown me repeatedly though, through the storm, that He is the anchor that gives us hope. This book was an encouragement in repeatedly conveying that truth.

Topics of transformation that are discussed in the book are:

From Disappointment to Hope 
From Unforgiveness to Freedom 
From Shame to Love 
From Regret to Rest 
From Fear to Joy 
From Insecurity to Confidence 
From Insignificance to Courage 
From Despair to Faith 
From Rage to Restoration

Sheila has a great way of being able to grab her readers' attention with her honestly, her sense of humor, and her great illustrations and stories, then dive deeper into the truth found in Scripture. She dispels lies from the enemy and replaces them with facts on God's Sovereignty, love, and knowing care for His children. By the end of the book, I was encouraged once again of the strength my Savior gives for not only getting through storms, but learning from them and maybe even being able to dance a little in the rain. :)

If you or someone you know is going through a hard time right now, this is a great new book to pick up to provide some comfort and encouragement of the truth. And if not, you'll still want to get it, because chances are, we all have just come out of a storm, are in one now, or one's on the way! :)

I am oh so grateful that the Creator of storms is also the Creator of hope and of beauty still ahead.

Book review... Whatever You Grow up to Be

Life has been busy and I will get back with personal blogging soon, but I've got some review books I will be posting about in the meantime! The first one is such a sweet one...

I received this book, Whatever You Grow up to Be, in the mail to review, and it was just so sweet and cute that I dropped everything we were doing to read it right away to my little boys! Karen Kingsbury, the author of this book for children, is one of my favorite adult Christian fiction writers. I've also seen her do an incredible job on other children's books, and she has on this one as well. It almost made me cry!

The book follows a little boy from the time he is born until he becomes the father of his own little boy, as the mom reminds him at every stage how she will always be there for him and cheer him on. The illustrations are stunning and cute, as they enter into some imaginative worlds of the boy as well.  The boys loved looking at them, and N particularly was fond of the boy's dog being on almost every page too. ;)

This is a beautiful book that will be treasured by moms and sons alike. I can even see purchasing this for baby showers or your own new son's birth. It will definitely be read over and over to my boys as I remind them how much I love them and will support them in whatever plan God has for their lives.  

 Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book review... Intentional Parenting

I recently realized that I never posted a book review on an incredible book called Intentional Parenting. Written by three counselors, Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan have nailed it with this book on encouraging and challenging ways to be an intentional parent. The 11 chapters included topics like being a patient parent, a consistent parent, a playful parent, and a merciful parent. Within those chapters are dispelled myths replaced with Scriptural truth, real life examples, and practical ways to implement the teaching found within that chapter.

I have the greatest desire to be an intentional parent, but sometimes the days get so busy and I lose track of what really matters - my children's hearts. I also beat myself up for my parenting failures, becoming a perfectionist with lofty expectations and forgetting that my God is a God of grace and second chances. I love what is said in the last chapter about being a "free" parent:

  You can be free, as a person and as a parent, no matter how much pressure you feel today. You can't do it right. You can't be the perfect parent, and you can't create the desired outcome in your child. But you can immerse yourself in the better hope that Hebrews 7 speaks of. You can fix your eyes on Jesus. You can entrust your child to Him. He's really the One in control, anyway. And He loves you both more than you could ask or imagine. 

Doesn't that encourage you? This book is full of truth that appears like an energetic cheerleader "hurrahing" me through the hard weary days, reminding me of God's love and example in how He parents His children. I am going to be rereading it again soon, actually. It's one full of golden nuggets that I need to be continually reminded of.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

When hurt runs deep...

I’m currently in this group that is supposed to challenge those who love to write to do so more often. It’s always a goal of mine to write and keep writing, but life often gets in the way and makes me busier that I would like to be. So I thought this group might be great motivation to help me stay in the habit of writing regularly, both on this blog and in my journal.

This week’s assignment was to create a piece of writing that uses an analogy. I absolutely love analogies, stories and word pictures. I love when I see or hear something that allows me to think about something else in a new light. I usually end up reflecting on it for quite awhile.  Yet, this week, try as I might, I could not think of any analogies to write about. It reminded me of how I would often tell B how funny he was and to say something that would make me laugh, and he would respond that he can’t just say anything funny right on the spot or it would come out sounding really dumb. :)

Sometimes life just seems what it is at the moment – hard, monotonous, and exhausting. Even though I know that there’s so much more to it than that, and that each day of my life is just a small thread in a beautiful tapestry that I believe God is creating, it’s just hard to see the bigger picture some days. I think that’s why I had a hard time coming up with an analogy to write on last week. It was one of those tedious tiring weeks where I had to be so focused on the practical that I just didn’t have the space in my brain to reflect on cool analogies.

Breaking up kiddy arguments...
      Paying bills...
              Trying to lower a mountain of paperwork...
                     Looking at boxes I wish I could have unpacked by now...
And underneath it all, knowing that February was coming… bringing a possibly very depressing Valentine’s Day and the anniversary of B’s passing with it.

When you experience any kind of grief in life, especially one in your immediate family, it’s easy to live so burdened down sometimes. Yet, if you and I are not careful, we can get so lost in all of the “to dos” and forget about the healing that needs to occur in our hearts. We can stuff those feelings down, busying ourselves in our lists and trying to forget that inside we are aching from a deep deep loss. And sooner or later, if we don’t deal with it, we might just explode inside from the stuffing. That’s why it’s important to focus on how to let the Lord bring healing to our souls so we can move forward with hope.


I just finished reading an unbelievable book by Kay Arthur, called When the Hurt Runs Deep. In it, she shares several points to remember while hurting. Here are just a few of them that I loved and identify with:

1. If God has allowed pain in our lives, He has allowed it for a purpose – a good purpose, because He is a good God. I know that’s oh so hard to believe at the time. It’s a choice to believe that, sometimes every single moment. Some days I audibly must cry out to God and tell Him, “God, I choose to believe that You will bring about good from this. I choose to trust You even though it hurts and I don’t understand why.”

2. Because God is all-knowing, He knows the very source of your deepest pain – and He understands exactly how to heal it. I can look to other things to try to bring healing, but they won’t last or be enough. God knows my heart is breaking. He knows exactly how to heal my heart, and He will do it in His timing. Again – I must seek Him, and then trust.

3. Deep hurt can happen to upright, blameless people; it is not always deserved or earned.  We have to be careful who we listen to when we are hurting. We have to seek the Lord and confess any sin to Him. Then we can free ourselves to live in His desire for us, regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels called to share their opinions about. Read the examples of Joseph and Job in the Bible. They are both men who were walking in faithfulness with God, and both went through a lot of hurt and heartache. God redeemed and restored and brought beauty, but they had to stop listening to some of the voices around them and just seek the voice of the One they believed could rescue them in order to stay faithful through the hardships.

4. Deep, exhausting, unrelenting hurt can bring you to the end of yourself – to complete and total dependence on God – which is the best place you could ever be. I’ve seen this firsthand. Even just practically speaking, I’ve already had to do a lot of things that I don’t have the understanding of how to do. I’ve had to trust Him for pretty much everything. And He’s been faithful every time to provide or to give the skills I need that I sometimes didn’t know I possessed, or bring someone along who does have those skills. I’m dependent on Him, and He in turn makes me, the weak one, strong – but only through His strength alone.  And I truly feel it - I am held.

There’s so much more I could share, but you should get the book and read it for yourself. :) It will comfort and provide hope to you in the midst of any kind of hurt you are going through. It’s meant so much to me that I’m planning to blog again about another part of it – stay tuned!

Lessons from a bicycle...

I’ve probably got a similar “learning to ride a bike” story to almost everyone else’s in this country, and probably even some of other countries.  As a little girl, I loved my little pink bike with the streamers and chunky banana seat.  Then, I hit the point of decision to want the training wheels off, after deciding that I had grown too cool and mature for them.  So, my dad took me outside to our front driveway, took off the training wheels and stood right beside me as I climbed on.  Talk about a scary moment of potential independence for a child.  I got off to a pretty rocky start, complete with tears and cries to stop, but inwardly not wanting to quit until I got the hang of it.  Persistence is thankfully something that’s always been part of my personality.  I’ve never believed that anyone could get anywhere by just giving up.  So, I did not… and my dad, in turn, did not leave my side.  He encouraged me and affirmed my abilities to do it if I would just keep trying.  He helped me take off down our driveway, and helped catch me when I fell after a burst of a little too much confidence in my new abilities.  Finally, I was able to pedal my little self to the next neighbor’s driveway… then back again.  The next time I took off, I traveled two houses down, and back again.  Before I knew it, I was off – without my father’s help – but with his constant cheering and on looking.  Come to think of it, I don’t remember my dad ever letting me go out to ride my bike without him standing in the driveway watching, to be sure I was safe.  Some freedom... with a lot of loving protection.

Now, when I look back on it, the similarity of my bike riding growth, to my walk with my Heavenly Father, is amazing.   As a little girl, I also chose to make that first step of faith in choosing to follow Jesus and to walk in His ways.   I had no idea what I was doing or what it would require of me, but I knew down deep with childlike faith that I wanted to follow with persistence – whatever that would mean.  As I began to grow in my faith, and grow older, I also faced challenges – and I have screwed up plenty along the way in the way I’ve handled some things.  I have cried plenty, and whined quite a bit to Him as well that this is just too hard.  I have struggled with confidence and the belief that I can do this thing called my journey and ride of faith. 

And yet, my Father has never ever left me.   He has listened to my cries, whispered gently through His Word when I needed to hear that still small voice speaking through the noise and chaos of life, and cheered loudly through His body speaking truth into my soul right when I need it most.  And as I’ve grown in my walk with Him, He’s stretched me with greater challenges, equipping me in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.

Now, as I continue to face what literally has been the hardest season of my life, I know for sure every single day, that it is in His strength alone that I can do this.  I’m more convinced than ever before that He is with me and will never leave.  Without His presence, I would fall right off this bike of life, flat on my derriere.  And you better believe that I still do, so to speak, when I try to pedal it all alone.  But with Him right there beside me, where He’s promised to remain, I can do this.  And whatever it is that you are facing, you can do too. 

You need to know that today, so I’ll say it again.  You can do this.  But just don’t try to do it alone.  You’ll fall down every time.  Believe me – I know. 

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

New must read book... Praying for Boys

I don’t mind admitting it. I was quite nervous when I first heard that I was going to give birth to a baby boy. We had a cute little one year old girl who was keeping us on our toes, but I’m well acquainted with the girl world. I know all of its drama, joys and tears. I know it was a scary journey ahead, but felt better equipped due to by own past of girl drama.  But boys? A whole new scary world for me. And then God, in His gracious manner of teaching me to rely on Him, decided to bless me with yet another boy, right as I was trying to figure the first one out.

From the time my boys were babies, I’ve sensed the enormous need to bathe them deeply in prayer. They are these sweet, affectionate, energetic little men who have tender hearts inside these strong competitive boyish bodies. I want them to stay sweet and kind, but grow up with bold courage and strength to face the culture around them and become the spiritual leaders that I believe God has called them to be. There just seems to be SO much to pray for, and I often don’t even know where to begin.

That’s why I was so grateful to have the opportunity to be a part of Brooke McLaughlin’s Praying for Boys launch team and share the word about this fabulous new resource. This brand new book, Praying for Boys, comes with the honest approach to prayer from a mom of boys who wants the very things for her sons that I do. She breaks down the areas of greatest need when praying for our sons, such as integrity, pride, obedience, and the fruit of the Spirit. She offers encouragement to us as moms of boys, and gives example prayers to guide us as we pray. There are even questions available for deeper study and/or discussion groups.

This book was a breath of fresh air to me as I strive to not only parent my boys well, but pray for my boys well. I want to be like Susanna Wesley, who is known for her ability to pray in the midst of mothering many children. Apparently she would put her apron over her head so her children knew that it was no time to bother mama – she was in communion with her Savior. I don’t know about the apron, but I do hope that my children know their mom is their biggest prayer warrior… and that real victory comes when we are willing to get down on our knees.

So don't miss it!  Get your copy here.

My word for 2014.

Every year, I pick a theme word for the year that helps me focus. Forget all the New Year's resolutions, because I can't keep up with them all. Instead, a theme word envelopes it all, and this little blog, written mostly for myself so that I can remember my documented thoughts and moments, serves as a reminder of the word.

Last year, it was embrace. When I prayed over it all at the start of 2013, it was mostly about the wait we were going to have for awhile with adoption. I was aching for our little girl to come home soon, and the wait times for Ethiopia kept getting longer. So it was about embracing the here and now, documenting the ordinary everyday blessings, and being content in the here and now without always wishing for more. Little did I know how much our lives would change just eight short weeks later. Embrace became my act of sacrifice to Jesus, embracing a season I didn't want to be in and all of the grieving, tears, and pain that went along with it.

That season's not over, but the year is. Whew.  I've half jokingly said to a few friends that 2013 was all about B, and 2014 was needing to be the year of me. That could sound so egocentric and selfish, but they are close friends that know me well and know exactly what I've meant. There have been so many things to take care of as a result of B's passing, and those things have left me needing to stretch myself more than I ever thought I could. They've left me feeling haggard, lonely, and most days completely and utterly worn out. And, a little lost in the busyness.  So now, I'm needing to rediscover myself again. I'm needing to grow myself spiritually, emotionally, physically, and pretty much every other "ly" word so that I can move forward. I've had to step into new roles I don't even know how to fill, and rediscover myself. My skills, my interests, my weaknesses and strengths, and who I am in the sight of my Father, who sees me as precious in His sight.

And so, the word for this year is grow. I'm choosing to use this stretching season to do just that - stretch and grow and become all God wants me to be in this season so that I'm a better person for another season still to come. To not care as much about everyone else's opinion of me and focus instead on what my Savior wants from me. To not be so consumed with everything that keeps me so overwhelmed and busy, that I still have time to pay attention to my own needs and purpose.

I'm so thankful that His grace enables growth, and as we grow in Him, it affects every other area in our lives. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the gift of growth. I want to see You show up in great ways in 2014!